I didn’t expect to write about this for this weeks blog but it happened in my life so I am sharing it. If I don’t talk about it then who will?
Last night my anxiety hit me bloody hard. I hadn’t realised I hadn’t had anxiety in months. Must have been doing something right with lots of sleep, exercise and a coffee restriction. My life scales have been balanced.
But last night my heart was racing, I felt sick and I was awake for hours. I just couldn’t calm down and I am still the same this morning.
Where has this come from you ask? Yesterday, a colleague went into my boss and closed the door of the officer which doesn’t happen.
Instantly, my mind started racing “they are talking about me”, “what have I done now”, “am I that unapproachable they can’t talk to me directly”? It is very common for those who suffer with anxiety to constantly think that people are talking bad about them. Often it is not the case but this time it was – great.
Turns out the colleague found mistake I had made. They had printed off the work, corrected it in red ink and shown my boss. I am only human and we make mistakes I accept that. I am more than happy to take criticism if it is going to help me improve in my job. Rather than coming to me directly it the colleague went into my boss.
My boss then pulled me into her office and spoke to me about my mistake and how to improve which I am grateful for. I am fresh out of university and want to learn to improve my career. But the way it was handled has ruined me! To someone without anxiety this would be brushed off as nothing and they would think no more about it. For those with anxiety it swims round and round in their heads for hours or even days!
My mum who has been a manager for years told me that a good manager manages all of their employees different because they are individuals. For someone to manage you in the best way surly they need to know stuff about you. Conversations in my office are limited to the weather and what their kids are doing. My question is do I open up to my boss about my mental health so they can manage me better?
If I had a broken leg then work would change things to make my work easier. Why is it different for my mental health?
I worry that by doing so my boss will treat me differently and possibly even patronise me. Truth is I don’t find my boss approachable and I don’t have any friends I can turn to at work. I work in a very small office with traditional values and I am the youngest by 30 years. I fear their views aren’t as open as those my age when it comes to mental health. Equally I don’t think my boss has ever been a manager before…
I don’t need sympathy, I don’t want special treatment and I don’t want to be open to office gossip. I just want my boss to understand that I feel she doesn’t know me and doesn’t manage me accordingly. I worry about everything I do and I need a bit more reassurance that I am doing OK. Those with anxiety focus solely on the negative and mangers should know to push hard on the positive with employees that suffer with anxiety.
This is just my anxiety what about my depression?
Truth is my anxiety rarely affects my work, like I said I haven’t had bad anxiety in months. I probably won’t say anything to my boss and hope it doesn’t happen again. That being said my job contract ends in a few months if it was long term job I probably would speak to my boss.
If you have had any experiences with telling your boss about your mental health please comment below or email me via the contact page. I would be so grateful because my head in like a washing machine full of spaghetti.