A few weeks ago I wrote about what anxiety is to me. This week I thought I would do the same for depression. Again, everyone experiences depression differently, it is not a one size fits all situation.
I struggled writing this as depression is so hard to see if you are the one that has it. To you your depression is just you and it is normal. It is hard to work out what behaviours are you and what behaviours are your depression. This is not an easy question to answer.
I have seen various quotes online that depression is living in the past. Looking back it is no surprise I suffer with periods of depression. Childhood trauma due to divorce, an absent father and an emotionally abusive ex who poisoned my way of thinking. My depression exists as I let people into my head and allowed them to alter my healthy was of thinking.
When my depression was at its’ worst I felt very hopeless and like there was nothing good in my life. I often focused on what I didn’t have. I become very teary and felt like there was no way out. It was lonely, dark and self-loathing. I was constantly thinking about how everything I did was wrong.
I felt like everyone was living under water and I was the only one who couldn’t breathe. I also felt like I was a ghost looking down on my own body going through the motions of life.
Depression made me sleep a lot, stopped me from eating and made me a prisoner within my own home. It took months to just get me out of the house. Recovering from depression is process not to be rushed. When you are ready it will happen. I talk most about how to overcome depression here.
Since then I have worked hard to rid myself of those demons. But hey I am only human and I still have my bad days when I question if I am a nice person. I remind myself that if someone had diabetes then they take action every day to live with their condition. Why should it be any different with mental health? Every day I try to eat well, sleep enough, exercise and try not to be too hard on myself. When I feel like I am not coping I talk to someone. I also remind myself that I am not alone and others have bad days too. When I look back I often get sad but then I think of how far I have come since those days. You can read how I try not to compare my life to others here.
Personally, I think that those with depression never truly get rid of it we just become better at managing it. Instead of a bad week I may only have a bad day now. In the future I hope to only have one bad a day a month and maybe only a few a year.
It can be hard for those who suffer with depression to talk about how they feel. I personal prefer to write things down. I challenge you to try and define depression in the comments below…